There's a belief in our culture, not just our culture.
在我们的文化中，有一种信念，不仅仅是我们文化。
I think many cultures that family is everything, that it's the first tribe and the last tribe.
我认为许多文化都认为家庭就是一切，它是第一个部落，也是最后一个部落。
That family is alpha and omega.
家庭是始与终。
And you said something in an interview that I was really struck by its power.
你在一次采访中说了一些话，其力量让我深受触动。
And this is for everybody in the room who's watching and anybody who's watching who needs to hear it.
这是给房间里所有正在观看的人，以及任何需要听到这句话的观众。
You said.
你说。
You can love someone.
你可以爱一个人。
And still choose to say goodbye to them, you said.
但仍然选择与他们告别，你说。
You can miss a person every day and still be glad that they're no longer in your life.
你可以每天想念一个人，但仍然庆幸他们已不在你的生活中。
I think y'all are clapping because y'all know that's the truth, right?
我想你们鼓掌是因为你们知道这是事实，对吧？
And I think that for a lot of people, that's a contradiction: that if you love, then you're supposed to put up with it no matter what; and that if you are missing them, then you can't also be glad that they're gone.
而且我认为对很多人来说，这是一种矛盾：如果你爱一个人，那么无论发生什么你都应该忍受；如果你想念他们，那么你就不可能同时为他们的离开感到高兴。
But I mean, I think there's such power and wisdom in that.
但我的意思是，我认为这其中蕴含着巨大的力量和智慧。
I think there was a long time for me, I thought because I loved them, that meant maybe I'd made the wrong decision, or because I missed them, and then I would second-guess myself and think, 'Oh, because I missed them, it must mean that I've made a mistake.
我想，很长一段时间里，我都以为因为我爱他们，那可能意味着我做了错误的决定，或者因为我想念他们，我就会质疑自己，心想：‘哦，因为我想念他们，那一定意味着我犯了错。’
'And it took me a really long time to figure out that, yeah, love is just love.
我花了很长时间才明白，是的，爱就是爱。
One of the last things that happened between me and my father, the last time I saw him, he came over and he gave me this really awkward side hug, and he said to me, 'I love you.
我和父亲之间发生的最后几件事之一，最后一次见到他时，他走过来给了我一个非常尴尬的侧身拥抱，他对我说：‘我爱你。’
' You know that?
你知道吗？
And I said, 'I do.
我说：‘我知道。’
' That has never been the issue.
那从来都不是问题。
And I always knew my father loved me.
我一直都知道父亲爱我。
Of course, I knew he loved me.
当然，我知道他爱我。
And I don't think my dad did anything that he did from a lack of love.
而且我不认为我父亲做的任何事是出于缺乏爱。
And I think we do love a real disservice when we make it about control and power and changing people.
我认为，当我们把爱与控制、权力和改变他人联系在一起时，我们实际上是在严重误解爱的本质。
that's not what it is.
爱并非如此。
you love people, you give them that for free, and and then you decide whether that's something that you want to have in your life.
爱一个人，你会无条件地给予，然后才决定是否希望他们留在你的生活中。
and the alternative is to say well i'm going to change them and then i'll have them in my life, and that's not love.
另一种做法是试图改变他们，然后才让他们进入你的生活，但那不是爱。
that's not what love is.
那并非爱的真谛。
that's not what it does, and that's not the power that it has.
那不是爱的作用，也不是爱所拥有的力量。
so i.
所以，我……
I would say with my own family, I love them now.
就我自己的家庭而言，我现在爱他们。
I'm a strange from half my family.
我与一半的家人疏远了。
I love them very much, but I've accepted the fact that I need them to change to have them in my life.
我非常爱他们，但我已经接受了这样一个事实：我需要他们改变，才能让他们留在我的生活中。
And whether or not they change is something I have no control over.
而他们是否改变，是我无法控制的事情。
And you write that every time you return to your father's house, in your mind you were still kind of that sixteen-year-old girl, and that your final transformation, you say, was the one that allowed you to.
你写道，每次回到父亲家，你在心里仍然是那个十六岁的女孩，你说，你最终的转变是让你能够……
Actually break free from your family occurred when inside your mind you stop being the daughter your father raised and became your own self.
真正摆脱家庭束缚的那一刻，是在你内心不再扮演父亲抚养的那个女儿，而是成为了真正的自己。
I think for me it comes down to being able to conceive of a different thing than the life you have in front of you.
我认为对我来说，关键在于能够构想出与眼前生活不同的可能性。
There's a, there's a scripture that I really like.
有一句经文我真的很喜欢。
Um, it's about faith.
嗯，是关于信仰的。
It's my favorite scripture.
这是我最喜欢的经文。
I loved it when I was Mormon and I love it and I'm not Mormon still.
我还在摩门教时就很喜欢它，现在虽然不再是摩门教徒，我依然喜欢它。
I still love it.
我仍然爱它。
And it's Hebrews, I think it's 11:1, and it says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
我想这是《希伯来书》11章1节说的，信就是所望之事的实质，是未见之事的确据。
And church people, church people, church people in here.
还有教会里的人，教会里的人，这里的教会里的人。
And i think for me, there was one of the things that made it hard for me to let go of my family was not being able to imagine any kind of future life that didn't have them in it.
对我来说，让我难以放下家人的原因之一，就是无法想象一个没有他们的未来生活。
And i think that's what everybody does.
我想每个人都是这样做的。
We grow up in these families, and we learn certain patterns.
我们在这些家庭中长大，学会了一些特定的模式。
And we think that we're all liberated and changed, and then as soon as we get back in that situation, we repeat those patterns, or worse.
我们以为自己已经解放和改变了，但一旦回到那种情境中，就会重复那些模式，甚至更糟。
Very often, we have dysfunctional family relationships, and then we go out into the world, and we find people.
我们常常有着功能失调的家庭关系，然后进入社会，找到一些人。
Who will repeat that pattern with us?
他们会和我们重复那种模式吗？
Yeah, some people will never leave it.
是的，有些人永远无法摆脱它。
Yeah, we attract those people, and i think i love this idea of faith as as a belief in a in a better world, in a different world, in a different life than you've experienced.
是的，我们吸引了那些人，而且我喜欢这种对信仰的理解：相信一个更好的世界，一个不同的世界，一种与你经历过的不同的生活。
Love that you may not have experienced yet.
你或许尚未体验过的爱。
But to let go of what is, and try to see what what things could be, i think of as a really amazing intersection between faith and education.
但放下现状，尝试去看到事物可能的样子，我认为这是信仰与教育之间一个非常奇妙的交汇点。
because it's those two things together, it's the ability to see your life as it is and imagine a different life.
因为正是这两者结合，让你能够看清生活的现状，并想象另一种不同的生活。
There's a belief in our culture, not just our culture.
在我们的文化中，有一种信念，不仅仅是我们文化。
I think many cultures that family is everything, that it's the first tribe and the last tribe.
我认为许多文化都认为家庭就是一切，它是第一个部落，也是最后一个部落。
That family is alpha and omega.
家庭是始与终。
And you said something in an interview that I was really struck by its power.
你在一次采访中说了一些话，其力量让我深受触动。
And this is for everybody in the room who's watching and anybody who's watching who needs to hear it.
这是给房间里所有正在观看的人，以及任何需要听到这句话的观众。
You said.
你说。
You can love someone.
你可以爱一个人。
And still choose to say goodbye to them, you said.
但仍然选择与他们告别，你说。
You can miss a person every day and still be glad that they're no longer in your life.
你可以每天想念一个人，但仍然庆幸他们已不在你的生活中。
I think y'all are clapping because y'all know that's the truth, right?
我想你们鼓掌是因为你们知道这是事实，对吧？
And I think that for a lot of people, that's a contradiction: that if you love, then you're supposed to put up with it no matter what; and that if you are missing them, then you can't also be glad that they're gone.
而且我认为对很多人来说，这是一种矛盾：如果你爱一个人，那么无论发生什么你都应该忍受；如果你想念他们，那么你就不可能同时为他们的离开感到高兴。
But I mean, I think there's such power and wisdom in that.
但我的意思是，我认为这其中蕴含着巨大的力量和智慧。
I think there was a long time for me, I thought because I loved them, that meant maybe I'd made the wrong decision, or because I missed them, and then I would second-guess myself and think, 'Oh, because I missed them, it must mean that I've made a mistake.
我想，很长一段时间里，我都以为因为我爱他们，那可能意味着我做了错误的决定，或者因为我想念他们，我就会质疑自己，心想：‘哦，因为我想念他们，那一定意味着我犯了错。’
'And it took me a really long time to figure out that, yeah, love is just love.
我花了很长时间才明白，是的，爱就是爱。
One of the last things that happened between me and my father, the last time I saw him, he came over and he gave me this really awkward side hug, and he said to me, 'I love you.
我和父亲之间发生的最后几件事之一，最后一次见到他时，他走过来给了我一个非常尴尬的侧身拥抱，他对我说：‘我爱你。’
' You know that?
你知道吗？
And I said, 'I do.
我说：‘我知道。’
' That has never been the issue.
那从来都不是问题。
And I always knew my father loved me.
我一直都知道父亲爱我。
Of course, I knew he loved me.
当然，我知道他爱我。
And I don't think my dad did anything that he did from a lack of love.
而且我不认为我父亲做的任何事是出于缺乏爱。
And I think we do love a real disservice when we make it about control and power and changing people.
我认为，当我们把爱与控制、权力和改变他人联系在一起时，我们实际上是在严重误解爱的本质。
that's not what it is.
爱并非如此。
you love people, you give them that for free, and and then you decide whether that's something that you want to have in your life.
爱一个人，你会无条件地给予，然后才决定是否希望他们留在你的生活中。
and the alternative is to say well i'm going to change them and then i'll have them in my life, and that's not love.
另一种做法是试图改变他们，然后才让他们进入你的生活，但那不是爱。
that's not what love is.
那并非爱的真谛。
that's not what it does, and that's not the power that it has.
那不是爱的作用，也不是爱所拥有的力量。
so i.
所以，我……
I would say with my own family, I love them now.
就我自己的家庭而言，我现在爱他们。
I'm a strange from half my family.
我与一半的家人疏远了。
I love them very much, but I've accepted the fact that I need them to change to have them in my life.
我非常爱他们，但我已经接受了这样一个事实：我需要他们改变，才能让他们留在我的生活中。
And whether or not they change is something I have no control over.
而他们是否改变，是我无法控制的事情。
And you write that every time you return to your father's house, in your mind you were still kind of that sixteen-year-old girl, and that your final transformation, you say, was the one that allowed you to.
你写道，每次回到父亲家，你在心里仍然是那个十六岁的女孩，你说，你最终的转变是让你能够……
Actually break free from your family occurred when inside your mind you stop being the daughter your father raised and became your own self.
真正摆脱家庭束缚的那一刻，是在你内心不再扮演父亲抚养的那个女儿，而是成为了真正的自己。
I think for me it comes down to being able to conceive of a different thing than the life you have in front of you.
我认为对我来说，关键在于能够构想出与眼前生活不同的可能性。
There's a, there's a scripture that I really like.
有一句经文我真的很喜欢。
Um, it's about faith.
嗯，是关于信仰的。
It's my favorite scripture.
这是我最喜欢的经文。
I loved it when I was Mormon and I love it and I'm not Mormon still.
我还在摩门教时就很喜欢它，现在虽然不再是摩门教徒，我依然喜欢它。
I still love it.
我仍然爱它。
And it's Hebrews, I think it's 11:1, and it says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
我想这是《希伯来书》11章1节说的，信就是所望之事的实质，是未见之事的确据。
And church people, church people, church people in here.
还有教会里的人，教会里的人，这里的教会里的人。
And i think for me, there was one of the things that made it hard for me to let go of my family was not being able to imagine any kind of future life that didn't have them in it.
对我来说，让我难以放下家人的原因之一，就是无法想象一个没有他们的未来生活。
And i think that's what everybody does.
我想每个人都是这样做的。
We grow up in these families, and we learn certain patterns.
我们在这些家庭中长大，学会了一些特定的模式。
And we think that we're all liberated and changed, and then as soon as we get back in that situation, we repeat those patterns, or worse.
我们以为自己已经解放和改变了，但一旦回到那种情境中，就会重复那些模式，甚至更糟。
Very often, we have dysfunctional family relationships, and then we go out into the world, and we find people.
我们常常有着功能失调的家庭关系，然后进入社会，找到一些人。
Who will repeat that pattern with us?
他们会和我们重复那种模式吗？
Yeah, some people will never leave it.
是的，有些人永远无法摆脱它。
Yeah, we attract those people, and i think i love this idea of faith as as a belief in a in a better world, in a different world, in a different life than you've experienced.
是的，我们吸引了那些人，而且我喜欢这种对信仰的理解：相信一个更好的世界，一个不同的世界，一种与你经历过的不同的生活。
Love that you may not have experienced yet.
你或许尚未体验过的爱。
But to let go of what is, and try to see what what things could be, i think of as a really amazing intersection between faith and education.
但放下现状，尝试去看到事物可能的样子，我认为这是信仰与教育之间一个非常奇妙的交汇点。
because it's those two things together, it's the ability to see your life as it is and imagine a different life.
因为正是这两者结合，让你能够看清生活的现状，并想象另一种不同的生活。